What if soft drinks were our main identity attribute?

Well, don’t judge it ‘til you’ve read it

Yes, there’s a lot of spamming currently going on in terms of occupying the concept of identity and isolating it from the openness it deserves. That’s about to change, because a significant concept for every single person on this planet can only be hijacked for so long. That is, until someone knocks the door open and lets out the knowledge. What is today seen as less and less valid interesting discussions about all things culture and international, can actually prove to be far more important than ever before. Who should judge you and on the basis of what exactly?

Sit back, relax, and imagine the following. You’re the citizen of a country which is fabulous. You’ve got plenty of cultural events to attend, there’s a huge variety of people, interests and ideas.  You can travel freely and frequently do so, getting to know all sorts of people (and all of them are on Facebook too!).

Now, in your passport, you can see all of those things you’ve always seen, except nationality. Instead, you’ve got your soft drink preference stated – be it Coke or Pepsi or whatever. Note, it’s not the company making these drinks, but the very drink itself that is printed right there on your piece of fancy identification paper.

This note is the main note in the passport – all other things are secondary. As you are traveling, the security persons make sure to check your passport and register your presence at that given security check. So, throughout the world, all of the places you’ve visited – all of them are registered with your name firstly and directly related to your soft drink of preference.


Say hello to your new country

Even more so, within your country of citizenship, the national museum is now the [insert soft drink name] museum. For further reference, this is going to be about Coca Cola. You’ve got;

  • the Coca Cola hospital,
  • the Coca Cola armed forces,
  • the Coca Cola government,
  • the Coca Cola political parties and the Coca Cola president,
  • the Coca Cola airlines,
  • the Coca Cola main dish,
  • Coca Cola folk songs,
  • Coca Cola t-shirts,
  • Coca Cola football,
  • Coca Cola history books,
  • Coca Cola Banks,
  • Coca Cola School of Business,
  • Coca Cola Pop Music,
  • Coca Cola heroes,

….and the list goes on. Although you don’t walk around and obsess over Coca Cola, it is indirectly placed so as to be a constant reminder of who you are and what that means. Your values, your people.


What about international relations in this new world of ours?

Moving on to inter-soft-drinks-tional relations, the representatives are picked out by their skills and competencies, alongside their experience and record of excellence. However, what they represent is mainly one thing – their soft drink. Your representatives stand proudly with their Coca Cola print in their documents, ready to defend their bubbly values and secret recipe policies at all costs, while promoting unity of all people, all soft drink geographical areas.

In terms of international issues, there are quite a few and often in the border areas, where Coca Cola meets Pepsi and Pepsi meets Sprite, and Fanta borders both 7Up and MountainDew. Not only that, but you’ve got Virgin Coke insisting on serious territorial and security policies on the Dr. Pepper guys and the Pop Shoppe people.

The growing tension between Floravanti and CULT Energy Drink is serious matter, but not compared with the issues surrounding the Big Five – Manzana, Blue Sheep More Hito, Puolukkapore, Tropico and Schwip Schwap.

The big actors, Fassbrause, Balatonboglári, Appy Fizz, AshiMashi and Zip, all make sure to keep track of these various inter-soft-drinks-tional conflicts in the Soft Drinks Security Council. There are various inter-soft-drinks-tional initiatives and non-governmental organizations aimed at maintaining peace among the soft drinks, creating plenty of space for inter-soft-drink discussions.


So what does this soft drink perspective lead to?

Well, It’s not like you’re walking around all day thinking about being Coca Cola, but some people are doing exactly that. The extreme Coca Cola-ists are determined to make your country soft-drinkly clean and pure and keep things somewhat conservative. Other softies aren’t as pure, they’re not as intelligent and they only want to ruin the amazing culture that you guys have built since, like, way back.

The more reasonable people are less concerned with the soft-drink issues, yet they feel somewhat safe in having a group of like-minded individuals sharing values, ideas and sugar of preference.

Since you’re all hanging out online quite a bit and have got the opportunity to get to know each other despite cultural, soft-drinky differences – you’ve seen that there are Fanta people out there with who you’ve got much more in common. Not everyone, but some of those guys.

Also, you’ve noted that the international issues aren’t as black and white as they have been portrayed in the media up until this very day, but people are individuals and with that comes many, many different stories and mindsets to take into account.

All of this insight has made you a bit, you know, thoughtful about what propaganda is, how politics are used in not-great ways, who said what to whom and why, and about a thousand other questions. You’re experiencing a bit of a lack of trust, a growing suspicious perspective through which you view all of those actors.

On the one hand, you feel that there’s a lot of weird information being spread about issues and other people. The narrow views shared and the lack of variety becomes more ridiculous each time a new headline pops up from nowhere. On the other hand, all of this makes you question who you yourself are and what this means to you, to your identity. What is your identity? Is it Coca Cola?

You’re not so sure anymore, nor are you sure of how to feel about it.


Is picking out one attribute really a brilliant idea?

Now, this would all be such a tremendous collection of bullshit if it wasn’t how things actually are today, in this real world that we all have the privilege to build. Identities that people in all countries hold as their own are in fact based on old, very old, very narrow selections of attributes. Which are based on what that other bad guy over there is in relation to all the great things we are over here.

In a highly interconnected world where perspectives can’t be controlled, the emphasis on these short spans of attributes in countries all over the world is a really dumb idea. It becomes clearer than ever that it has probably always been a really dumb idea.

“The big actors, Fassbrause, Balatonboglári, Appy Fizz, AshiMashi and Zip, all make sure to keep track of these various inter-soft-drinks-tional conflicts in the Soft Drinks Security Council.”

Today, as people are chatting and exchanging ideas, they all start to understand that the very foundation upon which identities have been defined, is a shaky one. Had it been solid, then it would have made much more sense to emphasize the many great attributes people on this planet share. That would at least make reality come a little closer to the constructed ideas.

Instead, people have been dumbfounded and now have to deal with a huge matter – figuring out who they are, what they are, what their neighbors are and on what kind of planet they would like to live.

In conclusion, have some favorite soft drink and chill the F out.

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